covered in dust: February 2009

my anthem

It seems like this Sanctus Real song just keeps becoming more and more relevant in my life... it's like an anthem to my walk with Jesus these past several months. I can completely identify with these lyrics... the turmoil, the struggle, the peace (and I've posted about this previously too).

I think the thing that strikes a chord in me the most is the line "It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace." This reflects what Paul says in a letter to the community of Jesus followers in Philippi (modern Greece):

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things (Philippians 4:6-8)."

I was laid off on Monday with my last work day on Friday but somehow I am at peace about it. That doesn't mean that I am in some weird "Jesus bubble" where I don't feel any pressure or concerns... I am just peaceful. I am not worried- concerned and taking action... yes- but not worried.

When I was laid off from downsizing or "right sizing" or staff reductions 18 months ago, God did some amazing things in my life. God moved us from the Chicago area to the Austin area and I have never been more thankful for getting out of my comfort zone... ever. Since then, God has helped us turn a corner financially (i.e. get out of mind blowing amounts of debt), I am engaged in pursuing my dreams and I am better at trusting in Him when everything is uncertain. We left everything behind (friends, family, a house, our community of faith) to pursue God's calling us to Austin. The risk was great; the chance to enter into a Divine moment with God and to trust in Him when everything was uncertain... priceless!

God provided for us previously during my 3 months of unemployment by giving us what we needed (not everything we wanted). It was crazy to see such tangible evidence of God's presence in my life and in wife's life. We had enough food. We paid all our bills. Friends and family invited us over for meals. We had to make wise decisions to be good stewards of the finances that God gave to us and in it all we experienced His peace.

Jesus even said:

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? (Matthew 6:25-27)."

This is how I know that whatever God is up to right now in my life by allowing me to be laid off is going to be another moment of trust by watching God work in my life... and I stand ready to move with Him. If I did not watch for Him to move, I would miss the chance to experience the flood of His presence in my life. I need to stay flexible in my heart in this situation to be willing to allow God to move in my life and in my soul in this Diving moment. I think sometimes it is easy to get absorbed by the situation and not focus on the Divine moment.

So...

Give this song a read and then take a listen (it's a great CD/MP3 to pick up on Zune Marketplace, iTunes or Amazon).

Whatever You're Doing (Something Heavenly)
by Sanctus Real
on We Need Each Other

It's time for healing time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time to make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me
And all I can do is surrender

(Chorus)
Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something Heavenly

Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Reevaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow Your will
Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is You want from me
I give everything I surrender...
To...

(Chorus)

Time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to release all my held back tears

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This is something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly
Something Heavenly

It's time to fix up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out

| composed by dave |

the twenty-first time

Trent Monk came to Gateway in February to perform for a gathering that we call "First Friday." It is a night of music once a month on... you guessed it, the first Friday of the month. As he sang this song, I listened intently to the lyrics and they deeply convicted me of my own shortcomings. Read the lyrics, then take a listen...

The Twenty-first Time
by Monk and Neagle

Nowhere to live Nowhere to fall
He used to have money
But he’s wasted it all
His face is a photograph burned in mind
But I pretend not to see him for the twenty-first time

He sleeps under stars, it’s all he can afford
His blanket’s an old coat he’s had since the war
He stands on the corner of Carter and Vine
But I pretend not to see him for the twenty-first time

He may be a drifter who’s grown old and gray
But what if it’s Jesus and I walk away
I say I’m the body and drink of the wine
But I pretend not to see him for the twenty-first time

She’s 29 but she feels 48
She can’t raise three kids on minimum wage
She’s crying in back of the welfare line
But I pretend not to see her for the twenty-first time

She may be a stranger trying to get through the day
But what if it’s Jesus and I walk away
I say I’m the body and drink of the wine
But I pretend not to see her for the twenty-first time

This is a call for a change in my heart
I realize that I've not been doing my part
When I needed a Savior, I found it in Him
He gave to me, now I’ll give back to them

Drifter or stranger, daughter or son
I’ll look for Jesus in everyone
‘Cause I am the body and drink of the wine
And I’m thankful there’s more than the twenty-first time

| composed by dave |

the response

I have started this post about three times now and have tried to write about it more than that. I haven't been suffering through writer's block or some type of creative hindrance.

No... it's deeper than that.

I realized, strike that, God revealed to me that I needed to not just write about "a" response or "the" response but MY response.

So...

I wrote previously about an invitation that God has with humanity and how we all have junk in our lives that can tarnish or hide the beautiful masterpiece of who we really are. I then told of an offer that God presented to the world through the life of Jesus that quenches the thirst deep within our souls. Finally, I told of the story about a gift. A gift that God has freely given to anyone willing to accept it. I recommend reading those posts first before you read this post.

Seriously, go read them here--> the invitation, the offer & the gift.

I'll be right here waiting...

Uh... yeah, sorry for the Richard Marx reference! Whatever happened to that guy? Wow, what a flashback!

Anyway.

A long time ago, in a galaxy... wrong story.

I was seven years old when I decided that God, Jesus and the whole thing was real and worthy of my life. That's a big decision to make at seven but I was convinced that it was true. Something in my heart told me that Jesus really did exist and that He really loved me and that He really did want to be in a nurturing relationship with me. It's like I had some type of internal compass that pointed me to God and Jesus. It just all made sense.

Early Years.

As a kid, I was one heck of a daydreamer (you may remember me mentioning that previously)! I would imagine what other galaxies looked like and what it must be like to walk with God in Heaven and what Earth looked like when God had just gotten done putting His finishing touches on it. I used to imagine living in medieval times and what the future might look like and what ancient Israel under David's kingship might have been like.

I had a hard time understanding why my aunts and uncles hated Jesus. I couldn't grasp how my friends could use Jesus' name in ways that I am sure no one would ever use my name. I thought my religious neighbor worshiped idols and couldn't understand how he always talked about Mary like she was a savior.

I went to church on Sunday. I went through confirmation and communion. I went through private, Christian schooling my whole life (until college). I memorized scripture to learn the alphabet- no kidding! I remember reciting this in class, "A- For All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. Romans 3:23." I was a Christian.

((sigh))

That was my life as a young boy. I am thankful to my parents for their sacrifice to provide me a very good education and for their spiritual guidance. They taught me that my identity was in Jesus first. They provided a great foundation.

However, something else was at work in me. I loved Jesus. Really. But all of this pomp and circumstance, rules and regulations, do's and dont's of the traditional, conservative Christian faith just... well, to be honest, just made me religious and spiritual. They made me intolerant of others. They made me elitist. They put me in a tension of conflict between what I read about Jesus in the Bible and what I saw on Sunday morning- the hypocrisy and judgmental behavior.

I struggled for years. It was a cycle of bad behavior followed by guilt and remorse followed by repenting for my mistakes followed by bad behavior... It. Just. Didn't. End.

I grew older and read the Bible. As I read the Bible I discovered a life of danger, intrigue, mystery, excitement... people in the Bible were living lives bigger than themselves with this God who provided for them in amazing, dare I say, miraculous ways. Then there was the life of Jesus. I LOVED Jesus. He showed up in the story and did crazy, awesome things. He loved like no one had ever loved before. I wanted that.

I wanted what I saw in the Bible to be true of my life but my religion just couldn't seem to provide. Here I was stuck in the tension of a religion started in the name of Jesus (or was it Peter or Paul or Luther... I don't remember) but it seemed to have lost touch with the message of Jesus. I wanted more Jesus and not more of the sign on the front of the building.

I questioned a lot. I had problems "dressing up" to go to church. I didn't want to end up a fake religious guy who appeared to have it all together. So I was honest about my life and daily battles... bad move.

"What?!? You struggle with bad behavior and inappropriate desires ... you're a Christian!" (Churchy people call that bad stuff sin.)

High School.

By this point I was beginning to unwrap the Truth of Jesus and what a life of honest, courageous Faith looked like. However, I lived in a bubble. A Christian bubble. I was surrounded 24/7 by Christian friends. They were great people but I was a bit out-of-touch with culture and reality.

Until my sophomore year.

DC Talk and Michael Peace were replaced with N.W.A. and Public Enemy (yeah boyyyyyyy). Petra and Stryper were replaced with Metallica (the Black Album- I wasn't THAT hardcore and, yes, it takes two bands to stand where they do). I could go on and on and on... heck, you can only imagine how thrilled my parents were to hear "Straight outta Compton" blaring from my bedroom. ;-)

By the way, did I mention that I am a drummer/percussionist, that I played piano for eight years and play guitar? No, well I should because that is a HUGE piece of the puzzle. I am a creative artist. I have played in a couple of bands and recorded a demo... uh, tape. Yes, a demo tape. I wrote music, I performed in coffee shops, I was hired to play at parties and I played drums in church (of course).

Gunge appeared. I was in love... with flannel. Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Alice in Chains, Stone Temple Pilots, Soundgarden, Smashing Pumpkins, Jane's Addiction, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Tool, Temple of the Dog... whoa, whoa, whoa. Sorry, I got carried away- then and now.

How is this part of my story? Why on earth does it matter that I loved music?

Lemme fill in the blanks. I wrestled with religiosity. I loved music and was musically gifted (my humble way of saying that I rocked). I wanted more of the real Jesus that I read about in the Bible and that I was experiencing in my own life.

Don't see it yet? Stay with me.

Community College.

I dressed myself like an unmade bed with a flannel comforter and tie died sheets with corduroy pillows. I was a hippie, grunge, long-haired freak (I bathed daily though). Even though I looked like a hippie, I did not practice their ways.

It was in this place that I discovered what true, Jesus-like behavior looked like. It was here with the people that I was told to not associate with all my life that I discovered an open dialog about spiritual matters with people who were willing to talk. It was during these two years that Jesus' teachings made sense. Up to this point, I knew how to "do church" and how to live as a good person but I lacked the compassion for people that Jesus told me I was supposed to have. I truly believe that my journey started at age seven, but I believe my life mission became evident in college as a pre-seminary student.

I graduated community college with my AA in music. Music became all I wanted. I wanted it more than anything. Anything.

Real College (and Life).

The next seven years forever changed the trajectory of my life.

I rebelled. I started living for myself with me in mind. I decided that I wanted what I wanted. Guess what? I got what I wanted. I got all of it. I pursued money, cars, sex, drugs, alcohol, prestige, toys, homes, better jobs... and when I got exactly everything that I wanted, I realized that all of those things were not enough. It was never enough. The high never lasted. The alcohol hurt in the morning. The lust and sex always craved more. The toys, homes and cars weren't as nice as my friends and always needed upgrading. The jobs didn't bring me the sense of worth and identity that I had hoped. The prestige only made me more callous. The joy and pain of forced family relationships that came with my marriage only further complicated the mess of my life.

I was miserable. I was damaged from seven years of self-indulgent behavior.

I knew that just going to church wouldn't change anything. I had done that and religiosity didn't work. It never does. Let me illustrate this point another way. Standing in a garage doesn't make someone a car. Likewise, standing in a church doesn't make them a follower of Jesus. Just because our location changes didn't mean that our lives change. I think this is why so many people go to church only to turn away. I needed a revolution in my soul that could pull me out of my self-addicted behavior. I needed a transformation in my heart that could release me from my self-indulgence. Remember, God did not do this to me. I chose this path for my life but now I wanted him to fix what I had done.

My wife and I had been married for four years at this point and we decided to find a church home for both of us. We both did not want more religion. With our best consumer mentality, we approached church looking for what it could do for us... what we found was community of real, Jesus followers like we had never experienced before and we discovered how much we could contribute, not consume. The people we met loved us and welcomed us like we had been long time friends. Christ Community Church in St. Charles, IL became a home of friends that were sometimes relationally closer to us than our own families.

I rediscovered my roots and my first love, Jesus, and He gladly welcomed me back home. As a result of my desire to make my renewed trust in Jesus public, I was baptized on April, 13, 2003. This forever adjusted the trajectory of my life, again.

The changes came slowly at first. I didn't stop drinking and getting drunk but eventually I just didn't want to get drunk anymore. The desire just went away. The lust burn slowly lessened. The drugs had ended years earlier but the cravings for them went away. The cars, money, prestige, toys... that was harder. It still is.

God is radically redefining who I am and it is exhilarating! It comes with crazy challenges, hard decisions to move across the country, certainty in face of the unstable jobs, the joy in the birth of children, the pain of engaging the toxicity of broken relationships and the sadness associated with facing the desolation in this world- the poor, the homeless, the hungry, etc. My life is no longer defined by the bubble of religious escapism or the abyss of self-indulgence. My life is defined by the life and love that Jesus has given to me which I am to then share with everyone. I now have a tangible grip of reality in which I am learning how to engage the pain, solitude and hurting in the culture all around me (albeit a bit reluctantly). It sucks and rocks at the same time. I have never been so compelled by love in my entire life and I just don't want it to stop. Ever.

This is my response to Jesus. I heard the invitation and accepted the gift when I was seven years old. I learned through the trials of life that the offer is worth more than anything this world can give me.

I am not sure where you are in your journey or what you have been through in life, but I know this... Jesus meets us where we are and loves us because we exist. He wants you to experience His love as I have...

What will your response be?

| composed by dave |

the gift

I love Christmas!

It is something of a crazy passion of mine. I love the decorations, the smells, the sense of community, the kindness... it's just a great time of year! Of course, Christmastime is also synonymous with the antithesis of those things as well- busyness, shopping, deadlines, craziness, fatigue, family, etc.

How can one Holiday inspire yet frustrate? Songs are written in its honor yet somehow the "best time of the year" can also burden us.

This past Christmas a friend and mentor of mine, Rick Shurtz, gave a series of talks about "Unwrapping Christmas (listen here)" at our community at Gateway. The first illustration that Rick made in this series stuck with me the rest of the Christmas season and I still find myself relating to the story.

Rick told of a typical drama that gets played out during Christmas all over the United States. He told it a little like this:

Scene 1- At some point as Christmas nears a parent (Mom) will walk into their home carrying bags and their child will inquire about the bags. Mom will respond that she won't tell because the bags are for Christmas and this sends the kid into a frenzy of questions. Mom doesn't give into the questioning and continues on her way.

Scene 2- Mysteriously, presents start appearing under the Christmas tree and the child goes crazy wondering what is in the boxes. The child inevitably singles out a box and surmises that THIS box is exactly the size of a particular toy that they must have and they HAVE to open it now. Insanity ensues.

Scene 3- The child starts analyzing the box- shaking it, holding it to determine the weight and peeling back a small corner only to find a brown box lies underneath the ornate wrapping.

Scene 4- Christmas Eve.

Scene 5- Christmas morning. The kid wakes up the parents in hot anticipation and rushes to that one particular box. The child tears apart the wrapping, destroys the brown box and to their wonder they find... socks.

Socks. ((sigh))

Rick proclaims that socks are a gift of need and not a gift of want. We don't want socks. Man, I opened a lot of socks when I was growing up and my parents didn't even try to disguise them in a box. I can identify with this story, can you?

I thought about this a lot as I started to open my gifts this past Christmas. I got some "socks," figuratively speaking. I also got some cool gifts (like my new Gears of War sleepwear pants).

Anyway...

In my last two posts, I started a dialog about the invitation that Jesus made to all of humanity and the offer that He made to all those He invited. Well, that got me thinking about the gift that He brought with the offer and the invitation.

Jesus made claims that He came to bring us life and that through Him we would have this new life forever. He claimed that if anyone believes in Him for this life then they would have it and therefore be made right with God.

Who cares, right? So what? What is this life that Jesus was referencing and why does it matter? I am alive so why do I need life from Jesus?

I guess to understand this we must go back. We must go back to when God started this conversation with humanity.

When God was first engaging humans it was through His "chosen people"- the Israelites. They were special because through their lineage Jesus would be born. God had a plan for them and us. At one point in the Israelites history God interacts with their leader, Moses, and informs the Israelites that they now have a choice when it comes to life and death; blessings and curses. God instructs them to choose life... but he still leaves that choice up to them! God then goes on to say that He wants them to choose life because HE is the source of life (read it here).

Paul, a first century church starter and pastor, went to Athens. Athens was viewed as one of the top cultural epicenters for modern thought, philosophy and theology. Paul had a chance to share with them the message that Jesus had been proclaiming about life in God. I could paraphrase what Paul said, but here, read it for yourself:

"The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by hands. And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything, because he himself gives all men life and breath and everything else. From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us. 'For in him we live and move and have our being.' As some of your own poets have said, 'We are his offspring.' (italics added; source)"

Cruel, huh? I mean, why doesn't God just make us choose life? Why is the choice between life and death left up to us? Why does God allow us to choose? Kinda' narcissistic don't you think?

If you look closely, you'll see it.

Love.

To clarify, in order for love to exist, free will must exist. We can't make people love us. We can tell them to love us. We can order them to love us. In the end, love is a choice that we all must make. It isn't a rational or logical decision. However, it is a decision that we all make of everyone that we meet. Everyone we encounter. In one way or another, our capacity to give and receive love controls the relationships that we have with each other.

There's another element to this story. When Jesus starts declaring what God is like and how to practically live out a life that is pleasing to God, Jesus defines it with two bold statements- Love God, Love people.

You may be thinking, "Ok, so love wins... I get it. But what does love have to do with God. I thought you said that God was our life?"

He is... but He is also our source of love.

John, one of Jesus' closest followers (covered in the dust of His sandals), wrote, "God is love." In fact, John wrote quite extensively about God's love and our relationship to His love. John write this so that we can understand that God is the source of all love (4:7-8); God models what genuine love is (4:9-10); and God commands us to love each other (4:11-12). Having said that, read the following:

"Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us (source)."

Read this version too:

"Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God. But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love.

God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.

Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other. No one has ever seen God. But if we love each other, God lives in us, and his love is brought to full expression in us (source)."

God is love.

God is our life.

So, how does this relate to a gift? Glad you asked.

We are all messy, imperfect people. I am not perfect... far from it! Every time I choose my will and my way and my desires, I am not choosing God's will and God's ways and God's desires. This is called sin and sin results in death (read it here and here). So how do I earn God's favor? What must I do to experience His love and life?

Nothing... I cannot earn it. God's love and life is a gift. All I must do is accept His gift. I am given God's love and life through trusting that Jesus' death paid the debt for my bankruptcy of sin choices. I must confess with my mouth and believe in my heart that what Jesus proclaimed was and is true.

This seems too good to be true, huh? That's because while we didn't deserve any of this God in His love and goodness decided that we were worth Jesus getting killed on our behalf so that we could enter into a right relationship with God forever. This is called grace... and that is the gift that God gives us.

This gift is a gift of life, love and community with God through Jesus that is initiated by trust and characterized by hope and love. This is not a gift of socks but a gift that all of creation was waiting in great anticipation to receive. This is the message that Jesus declared and the good news that He wanted all who were willing to listen to hear.

How will you respond to the invitation, the offer and the gift?

| composed by dave |

my anthem

the twenty-first time

the response

the gift

collections

my online spaces

blogroll

archive