I have started this post about three times now and have tried to write about it more than that. I haven't been suffering through writer's block or some type of creative hindrance.
No... it's deeper than that.
I realized, strike that, God revealed to me that I needed to not just write about "a" response or "the" response but MY response.
So...
I wrote previously about an invitation that God has with humanity and how we all have junk in our lives that can tarnish or hide the beautiful masterpiece of who we really are. I then told of an offer that God presented to the world through the life of Jesus that quenches the thirst deep within our souls. Finally, I told of the story about a gift. A gift that God has freely given to anyone willing to accept it. I recommend reading those posts first before you read this post.
Seriously, go read them here--> the invitation, the offer & the gift.
I'll be right here waiting...
No... it's deeper than that.
I realized, strike that, God revealed to me that I needed to not just write about "a" response or "the" response but MY response.
So...
I wrote previously about an invitation that God has with humanity and how we all have junk in our lives that can tarnish or hide the beautiful masterpiece of who we really are. I then told of an offer that God presented to the world through the life of Jesus that quenches the thirst deep within our souls. Finally, I told of the story about a gift. A gift that God has freely given to anyone willing to accept it. I recommend reading those posts first before you read this post.
Seriously, go read them here--> the invitation, the offer & the gift.
I'll be right here waiting...
Uh... yeah, sorry for the Richard Marx reference! Whatever happened to that guy? Wow, what a flashback!
Anyway.
A long time ago, in a galaxy... wrong story.
I was seven years old when I decided that God, Jesus and the whole thing was real and worthy of my life. That's a big decision to make at seven but I was convinced that it was true. Something in my heart told me that Jesus really did exist and that He really loved me and that He really did want to be in a nurturing relationship with me. It's like I had some type of internal compass that pointed me to God and Jesus. It just all made sense.
Early Years.
As a kid, I was one heck of a daydreamer (you may remember me mentioning that previously)! I would imagine what other galaxies looked like and what it must be like to walk with God in Heaven and what Earth looked like when God had just gotten done putting His finishing touches on it. I used to imagine living in medieval times and what the future might look like and what ancient Israel under David's kingship might have been like.
I had a hard time understanding why my aunts and uncles hated Jesus. I couldn't grasp how my friends could use Jesus' name in ways that I am sure no one would ever use my name. I thought my religious neighbor worshiped idols and couldn't understand how he always talked about Mary like she was a savior.
I went to church on Sunday. I went through confirmation and communion. I went through private, Christian schooling my whole life (until college). I memorized scripture to learn the alphabet- no kidding! I remember reciting this in class, "A- For All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. Romans 3:23." I was a Christian.
((sigh))
That was my life as a young boy. I am thankful to my parents for their sacrifice to provide me a very good education and for their spiritual guidance. They taught me that my identity was in Jesus first. They provided a great foundation.
However, something else was at work in me. I loved Jesus. Really. But all of this pomp and circumstance, rules and regulations, do's and dont's of the traditional, conservative Christian faith just... well, to be honest, just made me religious and spiritual. They made me intolerant of others. They made me elitist. They put me in a tension of conflict between what I read about Jesus in the Bible and what I saw on Sunday morning- the hypocrisy and judgmental behavior.
I struggled for years. It was a cycle of bad behavior followed by guilt and remorse followed by repenting for my mistakes followed by bad behavior... It. Just. Didn't. End.
I grew older and read the Bible. As I read the Bible I discovered a life of danger, intrigue, mystery, excitement... people in the Bible were living lives bigger than themselves with this God who provided for them in amazing, dare I say, miraculous ways. Then there was the life of Jesus. I LOVED Jesus. He showed up in the story and did crazy, awesome things. He loved like no one had ever loved before. I wanted that.
I wanted what I saw in the Bible to be true of my life but my religion just couldn't seem to provide. Here I was stuck in the tension of a religion started in the name of Jesus (or was it Peter or Paul or Luther... I don't remember) but it seemed to have lost touch with the message of Jesus. I wanted more Jesus and not more of the sign on the front of the building.
I questioned a lot. I had problems "dressing up" to go to church. I didn't want to end up a fake religious guy who appeared to have it all together. So I was honest about my life and daily battles... bad move.
"What?!? You struggle with bad behavior and inappropriate desires ... you're a Christian!" (Churchy people call that bad stuff sin.)
High School.
By this point I was beginning to unwrap the Truth of Jesus and what a life of honest, courageous Faith looked like. However, I lived in a bubble. A Christian bubble. I was surrounded 24/7 by Christian friends. They were great people but I was a bit out-of-touch with culture and reality.
Until my sophomore year.
DC Talk and Michael Peace were replaced with N.W.A. and Public Enemy (yeah boyyyyyyy). Petra and Stryper were replaced with Metallica (the Black Album- I wasn't THAT hardcore and, yes, it takes two bands to stand where they do). I could go on and on and on... heck, you can only imagine how thrilled my parents were to hear "Straight outta Compton" blaring from my bedroom. ;-)
By the way, did I mention that I am a drummer/percussionist, that I played piano for eight years and play guitar? No, well I should because that is a HUGE piece of the puzzle. I am a creative artist. I have played in a couple of bands and recorded a demo... uh, tape. Yes, a demo tape. I wrote music, I performed in coffee shops, I was hired to play at parties and I played drums in church (of course).
Gunge appeared. I was in love... with flannel. Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Alice in Chains, Stone Temple Pilots, Soundgarden, Smashing Pumpkins, Jane's Addiction, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Tool, Temple of the Dog... whoa, whoa, whoa. Sorry, I got carried away- then and now.
How is this part of my story? Why on earth does it matter that I loved music?
Lemme fill in the blanks. I wrestled with religiosity. I loved music and was musically gifted (my humble way of saying that I rocked). I wanted more of the real Jesus that I read about in the Bible and that I was experiencing in my own life.
Don't see it yet? Stay with me.
Community College.
I dressed myself like an unmade bed with a flannel comforter and tie died sheets with corduroy pillows. I was a hippie, grunge, long-haired freak (I bathed daily though). Even though I looked like a hippie, I did not practice their ways.
It was in this place that I discovered what true, Jesus-like behavior looked like. It was here with the people that I was told to not associate with all my life that I discovered an open dialog about spiritual matters with people who were willing to talk. It was during these two years that Jesus' teachings made sense. Up to this point, I knew how to "do church" and how to live as a good person but I lacked the compassion for people that Jesus told me I was supposed to have. I truly believe that my journey started at age seven, but I believe my life mission became evident in college as a pre-seminary student.
I graduated community college with my AA in music. Music became all I wanted. I wanted it more than anything. Anything.
Real College (and Life).
The next seven years forever changed the trajectory of my life.
I rebelled. I started living for myself with me in mind. I decided that I wanted what I wanted. Guess what? I got what I wanted. I got all of it. I pursued money, cars, sex, drugs, alcohol, prestige, toys, homes, better jobs... and when I got exactly everything that I wanted, I realized that all of those things were not enough. It was never enough. The high never lasted. The alcohol hurt in the morning. The lust and sex always craved more. The toys, homes and cars weren't as nice as my friends and always needed upgrading. The jobs didn't bring me the sense of worth and identity that I had hoped. The prestige only made me more callous. The joy and pain of forced family relationships that came with my marriage only further complicated the mess of my life.
I was miserable. I was damaged from seven years of self-indulgent behavior.
I knew that just going to church wouldn't change anything. I had done that and religiosity didn't work. It never does. Let me illustrate this point another way. Standing in a garage doesn't make someone a car. Likewise, standing in a church doesn't make them a follower of Jesus. Just because our location changes didn't mean that our lives change. I think this is why so many people go to church only to turn away. I needed a revolution in my soul that could pull me out of my self-addicted behavior. I needed a transformation in my heart that could release me from my self-indulgence. Remember, God did not do this to me. I chose this path for my life but now I wanted him to fix what I had done.
My wife and I had been married for four years at this point and we decided to find a church home for both of us. We both did not want more religion. With our best consumer mentality, we approached church looking for what it could do for us... what we found was community of real, Jesus followers like we had never experienced before and we discovered how much we could contribute, not consume. The people we met loved us and welcomed us like we had been long time friends. Christ Community Church in St. Charles, IL became a home of friends that were sometimes relationally closer to us than our own families.
I rediscovered my roots and my first love, Jesus, and He gladly welcomed me back home. As a result of my desire to make my renewed trust in Jesus public, I was baptized on April, 13, 2003. This forever adjusted the trajectory of my life, again.
The changes came slowly at first. I didn't stop drinking and getting drunk but eventually I just didn't want to get drunk anymore. The desire just went away. The lust burn slowly lessened. The drugs had ended years earlier but the cravings for them went away. The cars, money, prestige, toys... that was harder. It still is.
God is radically redefining who I am and it is exhilarating! It comes with crazy challenges, hard decisions to move across the country, certainty in face of the unstable jobs, the joy in the birth of children, the pain of engaging the toxicity of broken relationships and the sadness associated with facing the desolation in this world- the poor, the homeless, the hungry, etc. My life is no longer defined by the bubble of religious escapism or the abyss of self-indulgence. My life is defined by the life and love that Jesus has given to me which I am to then share with everyone. I now have a tangible grip of reality in which I am learning how to engage the pain, solitude and hurting in the culture all around me (albeit a bit reluctantly). It sucks and rocks at the same time. I have never been so compelled by love in my entire life and I just don't want it to stop. Ever.
This is my response to Jesus. I heard the invitation and accepted the gift when I was seven years old. I learned through the trials of life that the offer is worth more than anything this world can give me.
I am not sure where you are in your journey or what you have been through in life, but I know this... Jesus meets us where we are and loves us because we exist. He wants you to experience His love as I have...
What will your response be?
Anyway.
A long time ago, in a galaxy... wrong story.
I was seven years old when I decided that God, Jesus and the whole thing was real and worthy of my life. That's a big decision to make at seven but I was convinced that it was true. Something in my heart told me that Jesus really did exist and that He really loved me and that He really did want to be in a nurturing relationship with me. It's like I had some type of internal compass that pointed me to God and Jesus. It just all made sense.
Early Years.
As a kid, I was one heck of a daydreamer (you may remember me mentioning that previously)! I would imagine what other galaxies looked like and what it must be like to walk with God in Heaven and what Earth looked like when God had just gotten done putting His finishing touches on it. I used to imagine living in medieval times and what the future might look like and what ancient Israel under David's kingship might have been like.
I had a hard time understanding why my aunts and uncles hated Jesus. I couldn't grasp how my friends could use Jesus' name in ways that I am sure no one would ever use my name. I thought my religious neighbor worshiped idols and couldn't understand how he always talked about Mary like she was a savior.
I went to church on Sunday. I went through confirmation and communion. I went through private, Christian schooling my whole life (until college). I memorized scripture to learn the alphabet- no kidding! I remember reciting this in class, "A- For All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. Romans 3:23." I was a Christian.
((sigh))
That was my life as a young boy. I am thankful to my parents for their sacrifice to provide me a very good education and for their spiritual guidance. They taught me that my identity was in Jesus first. They provided a great foundation.
However, something else was at work in me. I loved Jesus. Really. But all of this pomp and circumstance, rules and regulations, do's and dont's of the traditional, conservative Christian faith just... well, to be honest, just made me religious and spiritual. They made me intolerant of others. They made me elitist. They put me in a tension of conflict between what I read about Jesus in the Bible and what I saw on Sunday morning- the hypocrisy and judgmental behavior.
I struggled for years. It was a cycle of bad behavior followed by guilt and remorse followed by repenting for my mistakes followed by bad behavior... It. Just. Didn't. End.
I grew older and read the Bible. As I read the Bible I discovered a life of danger, intrigue, mystery, excitement... people in the Bible were living lives bigger than themselves with this God who provided for them in amazing, dare I say, miraculous ways. Then there was the life of Jesus. I LOVED Jesus. He showed up in the story and did crazy, awesome things. He loved like no one had ever loved before. I wanted that.
I wanted what I saw in the Bible to be true of my life but my religion just couldn't seem to provide. Here I was stuck in the tension of a religion started in the name of Jesus (or was it Peter or Paul or Luther... I don't remember) but it seemed to have lost touch with the message of Jesus. I wanted more Jesus and not more of the sign on the front of the building.
I questioned a lot. I had problems "dressing up" to go to church. I didn't want to end up a fake religious guy who appeared to have it all together. So I was honest about my life and daily battles... bad move.
"What?!? You struggle with bad behavior and inappropriate desires ... you're a Christian!" (Churchy people call that bad stuff sin.)
High School.
By this point I was beginning to unwrap the Truth of Jesus and what a life of honest, courageous Faith looked like. However, I lived in a bubble. A Christian bubble. I was surrounded 24/7 by Christian friends. They were great people but I was a bit out-of-touch with culture and reality.
Until my sophomore year.
DC Talk and Michael Peace were replaced with N.W.A. and Public Enemy (yeah boyyyyyyy). Petra and Stryper were replaced with Metallica (the Black Album- I wasn't THAT hardcore and, yes, it takes two bands to stand where they do). I could go on and on and on... heck, you can only imagine how thrilled my parents were to hear "Straight outta Compton" blaring from my bedroom. ;-)
By the way, did I mention that I am a drummer/percussionist, that I played piano for eight years and play guitar? No, well I should because that is a HUGE piece of the puzzle. I am a creative artist. I have played in a couple of bands and recorded a demo... uh, tape. Yes, a demo tape. I wrote music, I performed in coffee shops, I was hired to play at parties and I played drums in church (of course).
Gunge appeared. I was in love... with flannel. Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Alice in Chains, Stone Temple Pilots, Soundgarden, Smashing Pumpkins, Jane's Addiction, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Tool, Temple of the Dog... whoa, whoa, whoa. Sorry, I got carried away- then and now.
How is this part of my story? Why on earth does it matter that I loved music?
Lemme fill in the blanks. I wrestled with religiosity. I loved music and was musically gifted (my humble way of saying that I rocked). I wanted more of the real Jesus that I read about in the Bible and that I was experiencing in my own life.
Don't see it yet? Stay with me.
Community College.
I dressed myself like an unmade bed with a flannel comforter and tie died sheets with corduroy pillows. I was a hippie, grunge, long-haired freak (I bathed daily though). Even though I looked like a hippie, I did not practice their ways.
It was in this place that I discovered what true, Jesus-like behavior looked like. It was here with the people that I was told to not associate with all my life that I discovered an open dialog about spiritual matters with people who were willing to talk. It was during these two years that Jesus' teachings made sense. Up to this point, I knew how to "do church" and how to live as a good person but I lacked the compassion for people that Jesus told me I was supposed to have. I truly believe that my journey started at age seven, but I believe my life mission became evident in college as a pre-seminary student.
I graduated community college with my AA in music. Music became all I wanted. I wanted it more than anything. Anything.
Real College (and Life).
The next seven years forever changed the trajectory of my life.
I rebelled. I started living for myself with me in mind. I decided that I wanted what I wanted. Guess what? I got what I wanted. I got all of it. I pursued money, cars, sex, drugs, alcohol, prestige, toys, homes, better jobs... and when I got exactly everything that I wanted, I realized that all of those things were not enough. It was never enough. The high never lasted. The alcohol hurt in the morning. The lust and sex always craved more. The toys, homes and cars weren't as nice as my friends and always needed upgrading. The jobs didn't bring me the sense of worth and identity that I had hoped. The prestige only made me more callous. The joy and pain of forced family relationships that came with my marriage only further complicated the mess of my life.
I was miserable. I was damaged from seven years of self-indulgent behavior.
I knew that just going to church wouldn't change anything. I had done that and religiosity didn't work. It never does. Let me illustrate this point another way. Standing in a garage doesn't make someone a car. Likewise, standing in a church doesn't make them a follower of Jesus. Just because our location changes didn't mean that our lives change. I think this is why so many people go to church only to turn away. I needed a revolution in my soul that could pull me out of my self-addicted behavior. I needed a transformation in my heart that could release me from my self-indulgence. Remember, God did not do this to me. I chose this path for my life but now I wanted him to fix what I had done.
My wife and I had been married for four years at this point and we decided to find a church home for both of us. We both did not want more religion. With our best consumer mentality, we approached church looking for what it could do for us... what we found was community of real, Jesus followers like we had never experienced before and we discovered how much we could contribute, not consume. The people we met loved us and welcomed us like we had been long time friends. Christ Community Church in St. Charles, IL became a home of friends that were sometimes relationally closer to us than our own families.
I rediscovered my roots and my first love, Jesus, and He gladly welcomed me back home. As a result of my desire to make my renewed trust in Jesus public, I was baptized on April, 13, 2003. This forever adjusted the trajectory of my life, again.
The changes came slowly at first. I didn't stop drinking and getting drunk but eventually I just didn't want to get drunk anymore. The desire just went away. The lust burn slowly lessened. The drugs had ended years earlier but the cravings for them went away. The cars, money, prestige, toys... that was harder. It still is.
God is radically redefining who I am and it is exhilarating! It comes with crazy challenges, hard decisions to move across the country, certainty in face of the unstable jobs, the joy in the birth of children, the pain of engaging the toxicity of broken relationships and the sadness associated with facing the desolation in this world- the poor, the homeless, the hungry, etc. My life is no longer defined by the bubble of religious escapism or the abyss of self-indulgence. My life is defined by the life and love that Jesus has given to me which I am to then share with everyone. I now have a tangible grip of reality in which I am learning how to engage the pain, solitude and hurting in the culture all around me (albeit a bit reluctantly). It sucks and rocks at the same time. I have never been so compelled by love in my entire life and I just don't want it to stop. Ever.
This is my response to Jesus. I heard the invitation and accepted the gift when I was seven years old. I learned through the trials of life that the offer is worth more than anything this world can give me.
I am not sure where you are in your journey or what you have been through in life, but I know this... Jesus meets us where we are and loves us because we exist. He wants you to experience His love as I have...
What will your response be?
|
composed by
dave
|
