I recently had to answer this question as part of my residency program for pastoral development and training: "Describe the faith challenges you are currently experiencing related to church planting. (your future ministry) How are you exercising faith in these challenges?"I am currently engaged as a local missionary in my apartment community.
This is not a free gig no matter what anyone says. There is a financial cost involved and therefore a risk. As an unemployed bloke, I was faced with a decision to "do this thing" trusting that God would provide us with the financial flow that we need to survive. Well, it's getting to that dangerous place of living solely on trusting God. My unemployment benefits are no longer coming in and we have mostly depleted our savings. The next step that we have is to start draining our retirement funds. This is one area that I am exercising faith.
The other is with relationships. I have lived in a mostly "comfortable Christian" bubble but have ALWAYS craved more. I have always had a radical core that has wanted to push the envelope of how "good Christians" live. Maybe I should say it this way, the way religious people who call themselves Christians live.
There, that's more fitting.
I have done this for years- pushed the envelope, I mean. I remember the freaks and outcasts liking me and the "Christians" questioning my faith because "good Christians" don't associate with the "bad people." My community of Faith (Gateway Church) gets that.
However, it is still tough. The church culture I grew up in sterilized faith and taught me to move towards comfort. In fact, if I had to sum up my faith upbringing it would be that my ultimate goal as a Christian man would to become a nice guy and to live with a comfortable faith that insulates me from the hurt of the world so that I didn't have to go to hell like everyone else. After all, missionaries spread the good news of Christ- especially to other countries- not here and not by me. Pastors care for the hurting and messed up people, not me.
I think I just vomited in my my mouth a little.
This has ALWAYS disturbed me but I never witnessed anyone doing anything different- it was a fake plastic faith (kinda like the tree above). "Love the sinner and hate the sin" was the mantra I had beat into my head by pastors and teachers but I only heard the hate and never saw the love. Why wasn't anyone willing to risk loving the disconnected, fragmented, messed up people? Why was I insulated from the brokenness?
This made me question my own brokenness and left me guilt ridden that I didn't "have it all together." Thank God for a loving community of people committed to authenticity and transparency! Six years ago through relational connectedness in a small group at Christ Community Church, the brokenness started to heal.
So, here I am. Decades after Jesus started moving within my core to rebel against this plastic Christianity devoid of it's grace and love, I am discovering a deeply rooted fear of social persecution. Faith is risk. Living by faith creates tension. Tension can cause life to become uncomfortable. How uncomfortable am I willing to be? My rebellious core tells me to be defiant and move into the uncomfortable and to risk relationship security for eternal purposes. It's just so hard sometimes. It is easy to love the likable people but I am convinced this is NOT the gospel of Jesus.
This is where I stand today- motivated by love, wanting to move towards others but scared of the hurt that it will cause in my own life.
To be continued...
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composed by
dave
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