"How did I get here?"
The thought echoed through my mind like a salutation exclaimed in a vacant auditorium, dull yet reverberating. A million images raced through my minds eye like a picture show of my life. I saw the past 17 years with vivid recollection one snapshot at a time. Each new season of life giving way to a new season giving way to a new season. Nothing changing yet everything changing.
This stranger's gaze locked in tense focus as he stared me in the eyes for what seemed to be an hour as the seconds slowed into minutes. Time was no longer an object of consciousness as the clock ceased to move. I slipped into a daze as this stranger scanned my mind with a power I could not control. My soul was his for the taking as my life story vaporized into his eyes like a cloud or mist being pulled from my body. Every thought. Every emotion. All were now laid bare before me.
Time. That illusive yet ever present reality. Where did it go?
"How did I get here?"
This time the question was audible. The silence, broken but the intense eye combat with someone I vaguely recognized remained-- steady, unwavering.
At long last, the stand off was complete and the Jedi mind trick of this now familiar fellow retreated to the netherworld from which it came. I gasped for breath like a swimmer surfacing from a long dive.
"Something has got to change. But how? What should I do?"
I discovered my reflection as my mind and soul slowly returned to my body with time once again resuming it's rhythmic monotone pace.
Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.
I knew something had to be different. The man that I once was was now barely visible in the mirror and a new chapter of life needed to be written.
That day in September of 2010 as I gazed deep into my own eyes and pondered who I had become, God reminded me of who I was. The well-built, athletic kid with long, wavy hair who loved to laugh and had a passion for music and Christ. While most of the past decade I have been reconnecting with the version of me who gave his life to Christ when he was seven, a part of me had slowly been deteriorating. While I had been so keenly focused on my spiritual well-being, which is good, I had completely neglected my physical well-being to the point that I barely recognized myself.
It truly was time for a lifestyle change.
Since May of 2010 I started having random pain in my chest and breathing problems. I wrote it off as isolated incidences... until it began to happen with more frequency. Then the stomach problems started. I thought it was just hot dogs or pizza. But then burritos became a problem and sandwiches and spaghetti and alfredo. Next thing I know I am downing 4-6 extra strength Tums after every meal (or wanting to vomit... I chose Tums).
Whoa. What?
Chest pain? Check. Shooting pain in my left arm? Check. Shortness of breath? Check.
I thought for months that every night I went to bed that this would be my last night on Earth. That is, until September. In September I got tired of having what seemed to be heart attacks on a consistent basis and I decided to do a bit of research.
I wasn't really sure what the problem was at first but found recommendations to try something called an elimination diet. Start with some common food triggers that tend to be the source of food allergies or food intolerances and then slowly catalog the results. The first food I eliminated was wheat.
I decided to go Gluten-free. No more breads. No more pasta. No more tortillas. You would not believe how much food has enriched white flour or wheat products in it. So, since I realized that this was not quite life threatening (kinda), I chose to allow cheating from time-to-time. For example, I would keep to a strict "Gluten-free" diet unless the temptation from that freshly made brownie was too much. Then I would allow myself a moderate amount so as to alleviate the craving.
It. Worked.
In fact, it is still working. I am still mostly Gluten-free (again, I choose to cheat) and I no longer have the stomach issue nor the chest pain.
I also started to see Dr. Bary from Arboretum Chiropractic and Acupuncture. I had regular monthly visits to a chiropractor when I lived in Illinois due to a back injury in 1999. Those visits had become more like routine check up and maintenance than rehabilitative. However, it had been almost four years since my last adjustment and my body was trying to tell me. The shooting pain in my arm and the shortness of breath were a direct result of shifted vertebrae in my back and neck (yeah, that can happen).
Lastly, I began to exercise my core and monitor my sodium and caloric intake. I figured that if I didn't decide to start trying to live a more heart healthy lifestyle now that when I was 60 years old it just might be too late.
Over the past four month, I have begun reclaim my former self, physically. I am in the process of being restored. While I am not always excited about this lifestyle change (I am human and the smell of fresh pizza is quite tantalizing), I do not focus on what I have given up as much as I have learned how to focus on what I am gaining.
This is huge. Don't miss this.
I would not be four months into this thing if I were constantly thinking about what I gave up or how fun it used to be when I ate whatever I wanted. I would have given up a long time ago. However, every time I decided it was time to work out or pick out dinner, I viewed it as an adventure of exploration. Giving myself over to a more restrictive way of life has actually given me the freedom to enjoy life since I am no longer a slave to my taste buds nor am I driven by my stomach. I have found that focusing on what I am gaining physically-- vitality, wellness, strength-- it has given me the courage to continue.
This has some serious spiritual implications!
The same is true when we chose to submit our wills to Jesus and give ourselves over to Christ. If we focus on what we can no longer do, then we will find this new life to be sucktastic. However, we need to realize that we have to retrain our minds to follow our hearts so that they are no longer slaves to our selfish desires and are no longer driven by the desires of our flesh.
What do we gain when we become servants to only Christ? Freedom. Life.
"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." Galatians 5:1
"[Jesus said,] 'The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to set the oppressed free,'" Luke 4:18
"[Jesus said,] 'I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.'" John 10:10