This is the appropriate response. When someone tells you or I that they are sorry for something that they did or did not do, the most appropriate response is, "I forgive you."
I have found that I tend to "typically" respond to most people with a simple, "It's OK" or "No problem" or "Don't worry about it." I have even heard some people say, "Apology accepted." However, I am learning that when I do this there isn't much love involved in the discussion. It is very easy for me to spout off one of these other phrases and I find that I have a much harder time actually saying the words, "I forgive you." In fact, when the tables are turned, it is VERY difficult for me to say, "I'm sorry... will you forgive me?" Just like the, "It's OK," phrase, it is easy for me to say, "Sorry," or to make it a bit personal with, "I'm sorry." But why is it that "I forgive you" and "... will you forgive me?" are SO difficult to get out? That's a tough one and I am willing to bet that I am not the only one that has this trouble. I think the answer lies within my heart; our hearts.
I can remember when my wife and I were first together and the discussions we would engage in that could get pretty heated. This is not uncommon for two people that are reorienting their lives to include another person. After all, we were two people trying to figure out what it meant to act as one... and we still are. It was VERY difficult for us to get to the point were we could admit wronging each other and then asking for forgiveness. Now I will confess that while we do not have this nailed, we have made some significant progress in our forgiving of one another. However, this forgiving business is absolutely crucial to a healthy marriage, healthy relationships and healthy life. In fact, the word forgive appears in the Bible over 116 times. Almost like it is important or something.
I have recently had a personal victory in my own life over the oppression of unforgiveness but will readily admit that I have uncovered other areas of unforgiveness that still need to be dealt with. Back to the victory.
For 19 years I have been harboring guilt, shame and anger towards a person in my life (let's call him Buddy). Buddy does not know about this. In fact, I have been very intentional about excluding him from my life. Over the past 19 years, I have been wrestling in my heart and mind with forgiving Buddy. Heck, I have even been practicing saying, "I forgive you" and have desired nothing more than to be able to walk up to him and say these words. I know it is right to do and I want to do it SO bad. So why can't I utter these few words? Humility.
I have been carrying around the weight of Buddy's actions for 19 years because in my heart I could not humble myself to forgive him. I felt that in some way he needed to ask me for forgiveness. After all, it was his actions that caused this pain and suffering. It was his words that hurt. This is not what Jesus teaches us about forgiveness. Jesus tells us that if we do not forgive each other, then God won't forgive us. Whoa- what?!? If I don't forgive Buddy, then God won't forgive me? But I did nothing wrong. I am the victim! Notice that Jesus doesn't say, "If they admit that they are wrong, then forgive them." He says, "For if you forgive men when they sin against you..."
This has left me with no other option than to forgive Buddy, but it has been hard to get to this point of REAL forgiveness. I first had to ask God to forgive me for not being able to forgive Buddy and I asked God to change that about me. By the way, I didn't start that process until about four years ago. I then started asking God to help me get over my own hurt so that I could forgive Buddy. Eventually, as I started to get over my own selfishness, my heart started to change. I knew that I needed to say, "I forgive you," and mean it. I now know that if I were to see Buddy that I could voluntarily and with no other explanation look him in the eyes today and say, "I forgive you." As I am writing these words, I am getting a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes. This is freedom.
I have found that I tend to "typically" respond to most people with a simple, "It's OK" or "No problem" or "Don't worry about it." I have even heard some people say, "Apology accepted." However, I am learning that when I do this there isn't much love involved in the discussion. It is very easy for me to spout off one of these other phrases and I find that I have a much harder time actually saying the words, "I forgive you." In fact, when the tables are turned, it is VERY difficult for me to say, "I'm sorry... will you forgive me?" Just like the, "It's OK," phrase, it is easy for me to say, "Sorry," or to make it a bit personal with, "I'm sorry." But why is it that "I forgive you" and "... will you forgive me?" are SO difficult to get out? That's a tough one and I am willing to bet that I am not the only one that has this trouble. I think the answer lies within my heart; our hearts.
I can remember when my wife and I were first together and the discussions we would engage in that could get pretty heated. This is not uncommon for two people that are reorienting their lives to include another person. After all, we were two people trying to figure out what it meant to act as one... and we still are. It was VERY difficult for us to get to the point were we could admit wronging each other and then asking for forgiveness. Now I will confess that while we do not have this nailed, we have made some significant progress in our forgiving of one another. However, this forgiving business is absolutely crucial to a healthy marriage, healthy relationships and healthy life. In fact, the word forgive appears in the Bible over 116 times. Almost like it is important or something.
I have recently had a personal victory in my own life over the oppression of unforgiveness but will readily admit that I have uncovered other areas of unforgiveness that still need to be dealt with. Back to the victory.
For 19 years I have been harboring guilt, shame and anger towards a person in my life (let's call him Buddy). Buddy does not know about this. In fact, I have been very intentional about excluding him from my life. Over the past 19 years, I have been wrestling in my heart and mind with forgiving Buddy. Heck, I have even been practicing saying, "I forgive you" and have desired nothing more than to be able to walk up to him and say these words. I know it is right to do and I want to do it SO bad. So why can't I utter these few words? Humility.
I have been carrying around the weight of Buddy's actions for 19 years because in my heart I could not humble myself to forgive him. I felt that in some way he needed to ask me for forgiveness. After all, it was his actions that caused this pain and suffering. It was his words that hurt. This is not what Jesus teaches us about forgiveness. Jesus tells us that if we do not forgive each other, then God won't forgive us. Whoa- what?!? If I don't forgive Buddy, then God won't forgive me? But I did nothing wrong. I am the victim! Notice that Jesus doesn't say, "If they admit that they are wrong, then forgive them." He says, "For if you forgive men when they sin against you..."
This has left me with no other option than to forgive Buddy, but it has been hard to get to this point of REAL forgiveness. I first had to ask God to forgive me for not being able to forgive Buddy and I asked God to change that about me. By the way, I didn't start that process until about four years ago. I then started asking God to help me get over my own hurt so that I could forgive Buddy. Eventually, as I started to get over my own selfishness, my heart started to change. I knew that I needed to say, "I forgive you," and mean it. I now know that if I were to see Buddy that I could voluntarily and with no other explanation look him in the eyes today and say, "I forgive you." As I am writing these words, I am getting a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes. This is freedom.
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composed by
dave
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